YOUR person.

 Nothing reminds you of how alone you really are like Covid. What is it about being sick that makes you miss having a partner? Not just any kind of partner but your ride or die. Not the partner that says "I will see you when you get better." Not that kind of partner. You know, YOUR person. The person who is there with you through thick or thin. Where is your person when you need them most? 

Dating today.

Is dating so terrible that you can justify going back and forth to an ex that you know is not right for you? The answer is YES. 

He is not happy until he breaks my spirit. Until I feel as shitty as he feels and then he has found happiness. Contentment for him was nestled in between my sadness and tears. As long as I wasn't smiling he seemed satisfied. If I was drunk and miserable he would probably find solitude in that as well. 

You are probably reading this asking why I would ever talk to someone like this? Simply put "Lack of options" seems to be the main culprit. I have done online dating, grocery store dating, meeting through friends dating, speed dating, networking dating, coffee shop dating, club dating, bar dating, social media dating, beach dating and church dating. 

However; in contrast, over the last 2 decades I have had relationships come about through a mutual friend, church dating (when I attended) dance club, eharmony, Zoosk, and Hinge. I can't say it was all for not but I can say that each year it seems to get harder and harder. It could be my age, my bitterness and over all lack of hope. These issues are in no way lost on me. I may be the only thing that is holding me back, the one person who is standing in their own way. That could be me.